Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man; a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.

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A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes." "What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss. "I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."

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A retired colonel, talking of the good old days: Have you ever hunted bear? His grandson's teacher: No, but I've been fishing in shorts.

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How much fishing tackle can a man accumulate before his wife throws him out? I don't know the answer but I think I'm nearly there.

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Two guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing they don't catch a thing. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men finally catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realise that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" "Wow!" says the other guy "It's a good job we didn't catch any more!"

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What's the biggest fish you ever caught? "That would be the one that measured fourteen inches..."That's not so big!" "Between the eyes?"

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Two guys are talking about fishing. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!" "That bad, huh" "She did everything wrong! She did everything wrong! She talked too much, made the boat rock constantly, tried to stand up in the boat, baited the hook wrong, used the wrong lures and WORST of all she caught more fish than me!"

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I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears someone tell him, "Wow, that's a big one!"

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Steven Wright : There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot

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A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterward, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...

(She is speaking in a cheery voice)"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye-bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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The manager of a small business and his secretary decided to go over to her place for some "gymnastics". Afterward, they both fall asleep.

When the manager wakes up and looks at his watch, he discovers that it is after 8 o'clock in the evening. He jumps up and is panicked because he has to go home to face his wife.

He tells the secretary to quickly take his shoes out into the yard and rub them around in the grass. He finishes dressing and goes home. When the man opens the door to the house, his wife is standing in the doorway fuming and asks him where the hell he's been until 8:30 in the evening?

The man calmly replies that he and his secretary are having an affair and that they had fallen asleep after going to her place this afternoon.

His wife examined him very carefully and when she glimpsed his shoes, she exclaims: "You liar, you've been FISHING!"

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